9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
