I am in a vortex of obligation.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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