guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize