I just cut my nipple shaving
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
