I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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