help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize