At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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