is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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