dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
