David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
pray to the hookup gods
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
