If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
