Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize