It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
you told grandpa to call you daddy
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
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