i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I am available for nakedness
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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