Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
