why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Randomize
