Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Randomize
