Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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