I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
