I wish my penis had an off switch
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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