you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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