She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
