You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
After tacos, we're chasing women.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
