I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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