Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
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