i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I currently don't understand fingers.
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