you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I supernannyed him into submission
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
