youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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