I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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