So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
