she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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