So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
