i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize