I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
