im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
