There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
