No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
