The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
