It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she looked like the before picture.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
