that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
