so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
