oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
