tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize