It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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