god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Randomize
