Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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