I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
