walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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