Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
