I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I AM VODKA MAN
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
