I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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