literally had 100 drinks last night.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Randomize
