My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
