areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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