She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Randomize
