Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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