Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize