I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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