Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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