I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
