dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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