talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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