I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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