capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
