Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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